woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
