I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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