I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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