my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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