you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
