Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Congratulations! We have a period
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