just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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