Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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