U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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