can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
