She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
