Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
