We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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