batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
