I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've blown a few things in my day
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
