the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize