you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
