Yo dont text me then not text me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
