all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
