If that was your dad, he is hot
I cannot find my penis.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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