the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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