as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
