You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
