Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize