we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
