She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
