She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
