Pappa wants mamma naked
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
