Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
