I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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