The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
