its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
