i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
