I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
