We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
