I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
