I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
