based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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