good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
