I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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