Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
