Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize