He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
