Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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