I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
