dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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