Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
