Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
