Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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