So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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