take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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