Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
