You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
