I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
