woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
