He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
