..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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