it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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