your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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