just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
