yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize