So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
