I smell stomach acid.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
